The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
