I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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