apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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