You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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