At least make sure they are 18
Why
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
