You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
