Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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