maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
