he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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