hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
