u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
