tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
