worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize