I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
COCAINE IS GR8
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
