dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You made out with two different species that night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
