So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This is the high leading the old right now
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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