i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
