I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
