i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
