Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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