absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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