I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
