Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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