So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She even gives head with a lisp.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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