I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
