so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
