we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
