Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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