I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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