i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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