Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
