i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
