All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
