trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
