Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
