Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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