And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize