the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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