I'm so fucking centered right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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