Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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