And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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