I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
