idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So much rum. So many feels.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
