I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
