Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
