she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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