What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
