Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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