first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
