His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
