A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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