Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
