Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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