I have demons in me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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