Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
