I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you win again, gameday.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
