not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
