**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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