things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
