I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
