I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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