Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
