remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
