I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
