Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
